HEALTHY SELF-ESTEEM IS NURTURED IN CHILDHOOD THROUGH CONSISTENT POSITIVE REINFORCEMENT, ENCOURAGEMENT, AND VALIDATION. WE GET THAT MOSTLY FROM OUR PARENTS, FAMILY AND FRIENDS. BUT WHAT HAPPENS WHEN WE DON”T?
When this foundation is lacking due to life’s adversities, people may develop a dependency on others for validation and self-worth. This reliance on external validation can lead to a perpetual cycle of seeking approval from others to bolster their sense of self-esteem, rather than cultivating it from within.
The Self-esteem battery
Think about it as a battery. A self-esteem battery that originally wasn’t properly loaded; and now goes easily empty. Consequently, you need to recharge the battery more often than usual. There are two recharging strategies.
1. Dependent Child. Connecting the charging cables to an external limited source. This is about seeking validation from another person. For example a partner or a boss. Usually people go automatically for this one. The disadvantage is that we maintain dependency on a limited resource.
2. Autonomous Adult. Recharging from its own power bank. This is about creating a self-esteem buffer. This strategy entails three simple steps:
- Identify the down in self-esteem and your need to seek validation, it’s a pattern. What triggers it?
- Calm yourself down. Do nothing, call no one. Breathe. Realize, eventually you will feel better and be able to find solace by yourself. All you need is take time to calm down.
- Be mild and confident. Take small steps, having setbacks is normal. Practice grants succes.
While this approach demands practice and patience, it creates a self-owned and always available source.
The Self-esteem Batteries card is created in collaboration with psychologist Theo Verhoeven. It is one of my compilation of Life Force Tools, practical strategies to build resilience in adversity.
