Browsing category: Change

  • 14 oktober 2024

    The lady of the Mayan ‘Cenote’: Healing simplicity

    THAT SUNNY DAY OF LAST AUGUST WE WERE FINALLY GOING TO FULFIL A DREAM THAT HAD KEPT US GOING DURING THE TIME I RECEIVED CHEMO: VISITING THE CENOTES OF YUCATÁN. WE HAD PLANNED A ROUTE THROUGH SEVERAL LARGE, OPEN, AND BEAUTIFUL CENOTES OF CHICXULUB’S ‘RING OF CENOTES’, EACH ONE MORE IMPRESSIVE THAN THE LAST. HOWEVER, THE DAY LED US DOWN A DIFFERENT PATH TO BEGIN OUR JOURNEY. AFTER PASSING THROUGH SEVERAL MAYAN VILLAGES AND VENTURING ALONG DUSTY TRACKS, WE ACCIDENTALLY STUMBLED UPON A DIFFERENT CENOTE, HIDDEN UNDERGROUND, SMALL AND SIMPLE.

    There, I met “La Doña del Cenote” and her husband. The humble guardians of that place, which you could tell they regarded as sacred. Both were tiny and seemed a bit fragile, their skin weathered by the sun, with the characteristic features of the Mayan people. They greeted us with warm smiles, as if we were friends in everyday life. Everything, from the cenote to their presence, seemed modest. I admit, I was a bit disenchanted at that moment. I had no idea that this woman was about to give me an unforgettable experience.

    In the heart of the cenote

    Before allowing us to enter, La Doña asked us to shower, to safeguard and respect the purity of the cenote’s waters. Then, with an unexpected agility for her age, she led us through a small opening into the heart of the cenote. What happened next was even more unexpected for me.

    La Doña looked at me directly, with a confidence that felt like she knew me. As if she knew everything about me, as if she even had known I would arrive on that very day. She spoke to me in a voice reminiscent of a healer, and said:

    “Child, enter the water, let it embrace you. This is Mother Earth. Here, you are in her womb, as if you’ve returned to your mother’s belly. Stay here in peace. God brought you to this place, guided your path. This is where you are supposed to be now, stay as long as you need.”

    As those words echoed within me, she left me alone, immersed in the peace of the cenote. It was then that I felt something break inside me—but not in a bad way. It was as if a barrier had dissolved, and suddenly, the tears began to flow. Tears that I hadn’t expected, but that released a trapped energy. Like a waterfall breaking through a dam. My sobs mingled with the tranquility of the water. And so I felt invaded by a deep sense of peace. It was as if the cenote, and La Doña through it, had facilitated a healing I didn’t even know I needed.

    At the heart of the cenote

    Healing simplicity, natural energy, vital force

    When I emerged, she and her husband were quietly relaxing in their hammock, observing the surrounding nature. They had set up a small table and chairs for us to enjoy our lunch. They smiled at us humbly, as if nothing extraordinary had just happened.

    Yet, for me, La Doña had been much more than a simple guardian of the cenote. She had given me a profoundly healing experience. It may sound incredible, I know that. But I don’t care for an explanation; I’m not here to dissect everything with the scalpel of logic. All I know is that she handles life’s vital energy with a masterful simplicity. Connected to nature, she was able to connect my own energy to the vital force of that hidden place. Her simple, unpretentious wisdom reminded me that life force can be found in the most modest corners and in the humblest of people. That tiny old woman proved that the simplest in life can sometimes be the most extraordinary.

    Have you ever experienced something you can’t explain?
    Share your thoughts in the comments.

    Do you not recognize this Life Force in your own story, or do you feel like you have lost yours?

    Tell me. I am a message away.

    Life Force Stories | Part 4

    Credits: Pictures from my own files | Illustration ‘La Doña del Cenote’ generated with AI, based on my own pictures.

  • 27 september 2024

    Ambar Adela: The power of the heart

    IT’S A WARM DAY IN AUGUST. LUNA AND I ARE WALKING THROUGH THE MAZE OF THE SANTO DOMINGO ARTISAN MARKET. A BIT DIZZY FROM THE HEAT AND THE COLORS (AND ME FROM ANEMIA), WE STOP TO LOOK AT SOME QUARTZ BRACELETS AT ONE OF THE COLOR-PACKED STALLS. THE BRACELET I WANT TO BUY FOR LUNA IS A BIT TOO BIG. “IF SHE LIKES IT, I CAN ADJUST IT TO HER SIZE,” SAYS A SOFT VOICE. FIVE SECONDS LATER, I’M STANDING IN FRONT OF A BEAUTIFUL WOMAN WITH INDIGENOUS FEATURES, HER FACE PERFECTLY MADE UP AND A BIG SMILE WITH DIMPLES. HER NAME IS ADELA, THE OWNER OF THE STALL, WITH HER OWN JEWELRY BRAND, “ÁMBAR ADELA.” HER VOICE IS OFTEN INTERRUPTED BY A CONTAGIOUS LAUGH. FOR EXAMPLE, WHEN SHE SEES MY SURPRISE AS SHE EXPLAINS THAT SHE ALSO DESIGNS THE EMBROIDERED CLOTHING SHE SELLS. AT THAT MOMENT, I TAKE A CLOSER LOOK AT THE MERCHANDISE AROUND ME: EMBROIDERED CLOTHING, SILVER JEWELRY, AND SEMI-PRECIOUS STONES, ALONG WITH AMBER PIECES. “I CAN’T BELIEVE IT! HOW DO YOU FIND THE TIME?” I ASK, AMAZED. – SHE LAUGHS AGAIN. – “WHY WOULDN’T YOU BELIEVE ME? WHEN YOU DO THINGS WITH LOVE, IT DOESN’T MATTER HOW SMALL THEY ARE. THEY ALWAYS TURN OUT WELL. STEP BY STEP.” AND THAT’S HOW WE BEGIN A CONVERSATION THAT FILLS ME WITH ADMIRATION.

    Adela’s story

    Adela comes from the Tzotzil community in a nearby village. Her mother taught her to embroider when she was a child. She married very young and had three daughters, who are now young adults. When she tells me her age (she’s only six years younger than me, though she looks at least ten years younger), I almost fall over.

    “What?! Forty-seven years old?! I don’t believe it,” I exclaim.

    Her laughter jingles again.
    “You don’t believe anything I say!” But when your spirit is well, and you do things with love, your body reflects that.”

    She tells me that she divorced her daughters’ father long ago. It must have been a difficult time, but I see no trace of bitterness or resentment on her face. Instead, there’s a serene joy.

    “Look at me. I live better this way. Things have gone well for me,” she says, the dimples in her smile reappearing. “I got divorced because I couldn’t rely on him anyway. Once I became independent, I had to decide how to move forward and support my daughters and myself.”

    “When your spirit is well, and you do things with love, your body reflects that”

    Adela Gómez

    From embroidery to beads

    That’s when I remembered my mother’s embroidery. I started by embroidering blouses to sell at the market, with things I love: flowers, fruits, and birds. My style of embroidery sold well. So, I began to embroider other garments, not just traditional ones, but also jeans, jackets, blazers—everything. One thing worth the mention: I only made things I enjoyed creating.

    I’ve always liked accessories, so when I could save a bit of money, I bought some beads and stones and started making small bracelets, earrings, little things. Those sold well, too. Over the years, my stall grew, and I was able to get a small shop here in Santo Domingo. My daughters also grew up; they had their own responsibilities by then. But between them, they helped me formalize my designs into a brand, “Ámbar Adela.” They created the labels for several lines, and well… here we are,” she finishes with a smile.

    Silver and amber
    Amber and Jade
    Embroidery and amber

    Life Force

    I listen in admiration, especially because I know firsthand how hard it is to build a jewelry brand—it’s no easy task. I tell her that years ago, I had my own brand, “Luna de Plata,” and that I gave it up when it was almost fully formed.

    “Why?” she asks.

    With some embarrassment, I admit,
    “Lack of experience, but mostly fear. Fear of failing.”

    Seeing Adela standing there so calm and full of confidence, surrounded by her creations, I rush to tell her that only now, years later, I understand that I can do whatever I set my mind to. That only now do I feel the confidence to face my fears head-on. I tell her I’m surviving cancer and that I’m filled with plans that feel very real to me: this trip through Mexico, my therapy practice, my communication work to support other cancer patients, and the psychology studies I will begin this year.

    She says, “Everything will work out for you, I know it. The things done with love, with motivation, step by step, always turn out well. Because that’s how God works.”

    And the way she says it, I feel a deep certainty in every word. My body vibrates with serene clarity, and in that moment, I understand that she is driven by the Life Force.


    Adela and her unbreakable spirit

    Adela shows that Life Force is not just about carrying on when everything is against you. It’s about finding joy in the small things, feeling love in everything you do. It’s knowing that no matter what happens, you always have the strength within you to start again.

    Her story is not just one of courage but a tribute to the strength of the heart. And so, she continues, with a smile and unstoppable energy, her hands never ceasing to create, her heart always open to her family and her customers. She is living proof of the power of the heart, of love for family, and of the unbreakable spirit of a woman determined to love life no matter what.

    How many times have you had to start again? Which are the little things that bring you joy?
    Share your thoughts in the comments.

    Do you not recognize this Life Force in your own story, or do you feel like you have lost yours?

    Let me know, I am a message away

    Life Force Stories | Part 2

    Credits: Pictures from Adela Gómez Facebook page | Picture ‘Santo Domingo Market’ generated with AI, based on my own original photo’s.

  • 16 september 2024

    Omar Fabián: A heart driven by creativity and legacy

    THE DAY I MET OMAR, I HARDLY KNEW HIM YET. IT WAS PURE CHANCE THAT MY GAZE FELL ON HIS WORKSHOP JUST AS I HAD DECIDED I HAD SEEN ENOUGH BLACK CLAY WORKSHOPS AND CRAFTS. I ADMIT I WAS ALSO FEELING WEAK DUE TO THE SIDE EFFECTS OF THE CANCER TREATMENT, SO I WAS SAD TO GIVE UP THE VISIT. BUT THAT HOUSE ON THE CORNER, COMPLETELY PAINTED BLACK, PIQUED MY CURIOSITY. HOW HAD I NOT NOTICED IT BEFORE? SO I DECIDED TO GO IN. THAT VISIT, FUELLED BY CURIOSITY, OPENED MY EYES AND MIND: I MET SOMEONE WHO SEES EVERYTHING WITH A FRESH PERSPECTIVE. DRIVEN BY LOVE FOR HIS WORK AND NEW IDEAS, OMAR ELEVATES HIS ANCESTRAL LEGACY TO THE LEVEL OF ART.

    Omar’s Story

    It was midday in San Bartolo Coyotepec, the town was beaten by the blazing sun and dust. My friend Tania, Fer and I had already toured several workshops with the typical black clay crafts from Oaxaca. I was feeling weak due to my extreme anemia and it was hard for me to admit I had to give up the visit to go eat and rest. I told myself “whatever, I had anyway seen enough workshops and black clay for today”… Just as we were about to grab some lunch before heading out, I noticed a house entirely painted black on the opposite corner. Clearly, it was a workshop we hadn’t seen before. 

    As soon as we entered, it felt like rediscovering black clay. The designs were a reinvention; everything was special. “You agree this isn’t typical; this is design,” Tania said to me. The further we went in, the more we were impressed: the shapes were bolder, the sizes bigger, the designs more creative. Even the way the clay was used was different: I saw it on walls, floors, paintings and even urns.

    At that moment, a young man hurried past; it was Omar Fabián, one of the three brothers who own the workshop and the author of these innovative pieces.

    My curiosity was fully awake, so I asked him a question that sparked an inspiring conversation:  

    “In all the years I’ve been buying black clay, I’ve never seen it applied like this. Are these your ideas?”  

    At first, he was very polite but seemed not particularly interested. “Thanks,” he responded, somewhat surprised, “yes, these are my designs.”  

    “This goes beyond tradition. What has brought you to this point?”

    I realised I had now caught his attention, perhaps because he sensed that my interest was genuine. That’s when the conversation began. He spoke of his family legacy, with over three generations of black clay artisans. He also mentioned his design studies at the University of Oaxaca. How he had combined his heritage, knowledge, and curiosity to challenge the limits of what was “possible.” While respecting the teachings of past generations, he improved the quality of the finishes and applied his design knowledge to create new forms. He experimented with new techniques, formats, and applications.

    Crafting Walls
    Omar’s Workshop

    Bringing Ideas to Life

    In this way, he contributed to the development of the family workshop. As he grew as an artisan, so did the projects he took on. “I started accepting commissions from hotels, restaurants, and museums. They would ask me, for example, to create a mural installation of giant ants, a large niche decorated with butterflies in flight, or a hotel bar with geometric ‘tiles’.” The challenge wasn’t just the visual design. How do you bring those ideas to life? Black clay is fragile, but delicate shapes must withstand installation, transport, and temperature changes. Those new requirements led me to experiment with novel techniques and approaches.”

    Butterflies with Led
    Wall tiles
    Ants installation

    Exploring Limits 

    I couldn’t help but see a parallel with the ups and downs of life in the face of adversity, something I’ve personally experienced since my cancer diagnosis. Suddenly, you find yourself in an unexpected situation that forces you to develop new skills. And to do so, you must draw on both what you’ve been taught and what you’ve learned yourself.

    “Not everything can turn out perfect. Do it again, try again, until it works.” Omar Fabián

    Omar also faces moments of difficulty, which generate uncertainty. Yet there’s an inner drive in him, a confidence in the future. Perhaps it’s the belief in his ability to navigate uncertainty and find solutions, to generate new ideas. His love for the craft he inherited and his creativity are his strength, though he may not say it explicitly, it’s clear to see.

    Butterflies niche
    Tzompantli Skulls in Black Clay and Silver

    Over some water and mezcal, Omar and I shared experiences and came to the conclusion that this is how we’ll continue. Facing fear, with confidence. You might feel sad or tired at times, but deep down, you’re not afraid. You know the solution will come, and you trust the force that moves you.

    Life Force isn’t something grand, as my conversation with Omar reminded me. It manifests itself in simple ways, like knowing how to see the world with a fresh pair of eyes. Just like children do. Now I understand that, on that day, Omar recognised in my curiosity the same curiosity that drives him in everything he does.

    Now tell me, what helps you navigate uncertainty? Do you recognize creative force in your life? Share your thoughts in the comments.

    Do you not recognize this Life Force in your own story, or do you feel like you have lost yours?

    Let me know, I am a message away

    Life Force Stories | Part 1

    credits – pictures Barro negro @omarsutra | Picture Omar and Alba from my personal files

  • 13 september 2024

    Life Force: connected stories

    THERE’S A THREAD THAT RUNS THROUGH ALL OF US—A VITAL FORCE, UNSEEN YET DEEPLY FELT. I CALL IT LIFE FORCE. IT’S THE ENERGY THAT PUSHES US TO RISE AFTER WE’VE FALLEN, TO CREATE BEAUTY FROM PAIN, AND TO FACE EACH NEW DAY WITH PURPOSE, NO MATTER THE CHALLENGES. LIFE FORCE HAS ALWAYS BEEN CENTRAL TO MY JOURNEY AS A THERAPIST, AND AS A CANCER SURVIVOR, IT HAS BECOME MY COMPASS THROUGH BOTH DARK AND LIGHT.

    The connecting journey

    During my journey through México last summer, I met many different people. I enjoyed every conversation with them, but some stayed with me. The energy of these people struck me in the most positive way. We connected on an energetic level. I noticed that they are driven by this universal force that I call Life Force. It may sound vague, but for me, it couldn’t be more concrete—both in my journey through cancer treatment and in my work as a therapist. I see it every day. Travelling through México, I was thrilled to recognize it in other people’s lives too. It’s this driving energy, this connection, that I find so awe-inspiring. And it’s what motivates me to share their stories with you.

    The Stories

    So, back home, I began writing. These are not success stories. They are everyday life stories of people like you and me. Let me introduce you to these men and women. On the surface, they seem completely different from one another. They come from different places, social statuses, genders, professions, and experiences. Some have dealt with illness or loss, while others have faced challenges in their careers, relationships, or personal growth. Others simply lead peaceful lives. Yet, they all have one powerful thing in common: Life Force. That’s the thread that runs through their stories.

    Through these stories, you’ll see how this invisible energy manifests in different ways. It’s in the mother who built a business after a divorce, the artist who finds new meaning in his family legacy, and the survivor who, against all odds, chooses to love life over fear. These stories are not just tales of survival but of living—with passion, purpose, and heart.

    Why Now?

    Sharing these stories is part of my mission to celebrate and ignite the Life Force within us all. Whether you’re navigating a tough time or looking for inspiration, I hope these stories will resonate deeply with you. Because I believe, at the core, we all have Life Force within us—it’s just waiting to be harnessed.

    Welcome to the Life Force series. Let’s embark on this journey together, step by step, story by story.

    Check out the Life Force Stories:
    Ambar Adela: The power of the heart
    Omar Fabián: A heart driven by creativity and legacy
    Jorge the Shadow Seller: The search for what truly matters

    Share what Life Force means to you in the comments. Do you not recognize it, or feel that you have lost yours? Let me know, I am a message away!

  • 25 mei 2024

    Appearance

    YOU ARE IN THE PRIME OF LIFE AS A WOMAN, MOTHER, PERSON. BUT THEN YOU’RE CONFRONTED WITH YOUR OWN DEATH SENTENCE. ALL MATERIAL THINGS BECOME OF SECONDARY IMPORTANCE, OR COMPLETELY IRRELEVANT. AND IF YOU GET THE CHANCE FOR (LONGER) LIFE WITH QUALITY, YOU GRAB THAT CHANCE WITH BOTH HANDS. YOU ENTER A NEW PHASE. YOU COME OUT CHANGED, BOTH INSIDE AND OUT. SO NOW, IS APPEARANCE STILL IMPORTANT? HOW IMPORTANT? YOU NOTICE THAT THERE ARE TWO ANSWERS, SOMETIMES CONTRADICTORY, YET EXISTING SIDE BY SIDE. THIS IS HOW MY APPEARANCE HAS CHANGED DUE TO CANCER, AND WHAT IT DOES TO ME.

    LEES HIER DE NL VERSIE

    Magic mirror on the wall…

    Six rounds of chemo, a major abdominal surgery (debulking and HIPEC), targeted therapy to deactivate the remaining dormant cancer cells, both breasts amputated. I am still here.

    I stand in front of the mirror; I look at myself with eyes wide open. And this is what I see, hear, think…

    My hand looks like a glove! No ring fitsWow! I can still thread a needle and draw in detail at 48
    Gee, what stupid curls, I can’t do anything with them 🤯Curls are fun with a headband! New summer hairstyle 🌞
    My hair grows so slooooowly.Nice to have plenty of hair back.
    Pfff, what wrinkles, it’s happening so fast with menopauseI love my tanned skin, looking summery all year round
    Crooked chemo toenails 😟I put on a pair of nice heels, and off I go! I can dance again 💃
    I’ve got hobbit feet!!!Lovely long walks through the countryside.
    Flat chest and short hair, I look like a man!A flat chest actually suits me, I have a sleeker silhouette in my fitted tops.
    Dents and scars instead of breastsA new beginning, I’m curious how my new breasts will turn out
    Gosh, no breasts is really flatNice to wear a strapless top, it fits!!
    My front looks like a battlefield!Well, it’s cancer-free.
    A scar from my chest to my lower abdomen, and it’s crooked too…A perfect place for a Tree of Life tattoo, as a symbol
    Big scars and disfigurementLooks tough… I’m a badass! 😎
    Pff, I look like an old womanWhat a badass woman
    Goodness, how will I ever feel sexy again???Hmmm, who knows how it’ll be with new breasts and cool tattoos… 👯‍♀️

    See? Two thoughts at the same time, two answers at the same time. A bit hysterical perhaps, and all true. No side is heavier, both are very real to me.

    Is appearance important or a superficial matter?

    So, let me put it this way: If you were to give me a contract now guaranteeing that the cancer is gone and stays away; but on the condition that I remain bald, flat, and deeply scarred for the rest of my life, I’d sign immediately. Without a doubt. So yes, how important is appearance?

    Well, not more important than my life, and yet more important than I initially thought. Cancer, living with cancer, living after cancer is a metamorphosis. Appearance is part of my identity, of my self-perception. That has changed and will continue to change.

    I watch with curiosity. Sometimes I feel a tear streaming down my face, and sometimes I am surprised by something cute that I discover. I think it’s part of the process of acceptance and rebuilding. At least, it is for me.

    I remain curious, but above all filled with marveling for my body, its strength, its capacity to transform. As if the universe resides within it.

    Deze afbeelding heeft een leeg alt-attribuut; de bestandsnaam is Erfelijkheid-bewustwording.jpeg
  • 18 april 2024

    The metamorphosis of the body

    MASTECTOMY: TODAY, I WANT TO TALK ABOUT THE TRANSFORMATION OF THE BODY, BUT IN A DIFFERENT, ALMOST METAPHORICAL WAY. THE WORDS ORIGINALLY FLOWED IN MY NATIVE LANGUAGE, PERHAPS BECAUSE IT IS SO INTIMATE. I MADE THIS VERSION IN ENGLISH TO SHARE WITH MORE PEOPLE THAT MIGHT BE GOING THROUGH A SIMILAR EXPERIENCE.

    Lee la version original en español

    Origin – the internal explosion

    The change began within, with an explosion of some restless cells, scared to death by who knows what cruel stress – and the inherited predisposition towards acceleration. Chaotic growth unleashed within me. Speed. Cells in panic.

    I talked to them to calm them down. My friends’ thoughts arrived from every corner of the world. Medications and therapies arrived. Precise scalpels. The cancer was removed. Prognoses consider its possible return, either in the long or short term. I face it. I hope it doesn’t come back. May my body remain vigilant, yes, but strong and clean, following its natural rhythm, free from alarms.

    Evolution – the external transformation

    My body has evolved: first from within – with the removal of my uterus and ovaries – leaving behind a scar from my heart to my belly as a witness. Now, the mountains of my breasts have been flattened, leaving traces of the scalpel and a void on each side of my chest. Still fresh.

    “It takes guts to witness my own transformation with eyes wide open.”

    The definition of the body

    My shapes have changed. My body is imprecise, not fully defined yet. And, I confess, it takes guts to witness my own transformation with eyes wide open. And love for this body; to continue finding the pretty stuff, the good stuff, the strong stuff.

    So it may find its new shapes: with feet firmly planted in life. A light heart. And a head full of the universe.

    This was the third post in a series on the impact of my mastectomy on me, from body to mind. I write one post every week while recovering from the procedure.

    Read the second post here

  • 27 maart 2024

    Mastectomy: My inheritance, my choices

    FROM MY MATERNAL LINE, I’VE INHERITED MANY POSITIVE TRAITS SUCH AS INTUITION AND STRENGTH, BUT A GENETIC PREDISPOSITION TO CANCER ISN’T ONE OF THE POSITIVES. SINCE LEARNING THIS, I’VE MADE MY DECISION: AFTER THE REMOVAL OF MY OVARIES AND UTERUS LAST YEAR, I OPTED FOR A PREVENTATIVE MASTECTOMY. IT’S DONE NOW: MY BREASTS HAVE BEEN REMOVED.

    LEES hier de NL versie

    Maternal line

    We have a strong maternal lineage in my family, almost akin to a matriarchy. I was raised by formidable women, imbued with strength, sensitivity, intuition, and autonomy. It’s ingrained in my blood, in my DNA, and I carry it with pride. However, I’m also a carrier of the BRCA2 mutation, which elevates my risk for gynaecological cancers. That, too, is part of my genetic inheritance. I lost my mother to the ravages of advanced breast cancer. Her final weeks were a trial, and I bore witness to it.

    From Ovaries to Breasts

    The genetic predisposition first struck my ovaries like a hammer blow last year. But it could also affect my breasts, with an increased risk of 80%. Hence, a plan was formulated: initially focusing on my ovaries, uterus, and abdominal metastases, treated with chemotherapy, debulking, and HIPEC. The second phase targeted my breasts: a preventative mastectomy. It might sound like a straightforward plan, but the experience was naturally different.

    Making choices

    It’s a time of significant decisions, not always straightforward to make. For they are impactful decisions, not just for me but also for my husband, children, and family. From its effect on my self-image to my sex life, potential traumas for my children, employability, and my long-term survival perspective. It affects my quality of life.

    On my way to the hospital for a second consultation with the plastic surgeon | Jan 2024

    So, for me, the initial step was a no-brainer: a double mastectomy. But then came the questions. With each question, there was a sounding board, but it started with myself: did I want reconstruction or not? Then with the doctors (oncologist, surgeon): when was the best time for my body? Then the (plastic) surgeon, but also online, via specialized platforms and organisations: which reconstruction method was suitable? For me, the decision aid website from patient+ was valuable in preparing for discussions with the doctors because it enabled me to obtain more targeted information and ask questions. That made my choice much easier. Ultimately, I opted for lipofilling. A prolonged, impactful journey, but personally the best choice for me. This choice varies for everyone.

    On my way to another hospital for the mastectomy – 25 Maart 2024

    Impact

    As I write these lines, I sit on the couch, recovering from the operation. My breasts are no more. Thus far, no sorrow or pain. I’ve inspected the wounds and hollows, it was a bit shocking, I won’t lie. Yes, my breasts are gone, but so is the risk of cancer developing there. I can focus on the “ovarian front.” That provides relief, literally and figuratively.

    Though the decision for a mastectomy was straightforward for me, the impact of the mastectomy and its reconstruction journey is complex. Especially with recovery and reconstruction ahead. What does it do to the mind, energy, body, and surroundings? Therefore, this month, I’ll write about the impact of my mastectomy, from body to mind.

  • 19 maart 2024

    Work and Purpose II: A New Mindset

    Written in early 2024, as I found myself confronted with sick leave.

    klik hier voor de NL versie

    IT’S A RAINY RUSH HOUR EVENING IN OCTOBER 2023. I’M DRIVING BACK FROM THE OFFICE IN EINDHOVEN, FACING A TWO-HOUR COMMUTE HOME. THE TREATMENTS ARE BEHIND ME, ONCOLOGISTS HAVE DECLARED ME ‘CLEAN’. FOR NOW. EVERY DAY, I SWALLOW MEDICATION TO INCREASE MY CHANCES OF SURVIVAL. I GLANCE AT MY FELLOW COMMUTERS AND THINK, “TODAY, I MANAGED A FULL DAY OF WORK, I’M BACK IN THE GAME,” AND THEN I REALIZE I HAD CLOSED MY EYES FOR A FEW SECONDS. BEHIND THE WHEEL.

    on my way to work | Amsterdam 2023

    Update 2024 – Employability now

    Meanwhile, I am no longer working. The impact of treatment and side effects on my immunity, capacity, and body is even greater now than during treatment. Difficult, but I accept it. Although having a disease like cancer is never easy and working during illness is not always possible, working can be very valuable. For both employee and employer. It can help focus on what really matters in life. In the Netherlands, about a third of people with cancer work during their treatment. Research by TNO and the Arbo Unie shows the challenges and benefits of working during treatment:

    Employee

    • Faster recovery during and after treatment.
    • Prevention against negative mental effects during and after treatment, such as reduced risk of depression and social isolation.

    Employer

    • Reduced risk of absenteeism.
    • Increased productivity.
    • Faster reintegration process of the employee.

    Second stop on my journey: a new mindset

    The experience of working during my illness has brought me a lot. I have experienced that, when possible, meaningful work actively contributes to my well-being. Meaningful work, for me, is about connection and making a contribution to society. That’s why I now volunteer for the Olijf Foundation. Also through this blog. I want to offer fellow sufferers and their loved ones a helping hand, a place to shelter.

    There is still much to do and much we don’t know yet. This can cause unrest. But this mindset gives me confidence. It allows me to think in terms of possibilities, rather than being knocked down. And this is possible within my new reality.

    This is the second of two pieces about my experience of working during cancer treatment in the period of my first diagnose.

    READ THE FIRST ONE HERE

  • 19 maart 2024

    Kaleidoscope

    LEES HIER DE NL VERSIE

    A NEW REALITY

    Living with cancer is living in a new reality. From the moment of diagnosis, it’s a continuous process of discovery. Because what was once stable is now constantly changing. What was once familiar has disappeared and new things have taken its place. Constantly. Nothing is granted anymore. Uncertainty, trust, fear, hope, sadness, and yet humor… (“hey, humor… can that be?!” – you think then)

    You get a diagnosis and it’s a bomb, you undergo treatment and get hope, you ‘get better’, and then…

    The post-treatment journey is just as intense as the beginning. Just different. Because, now what? My job no longer fits, my body looks different, it reacts differently than I was used to.

    Paradox-Verlies-Opportunity

    VIEWING THROUGH THE KALEIDOSCOPE

    It’s akin to looking through a kaleidoscope. Everything changes constantly before your eyes… in shape, in color, in size. What you thought you knew could just have changed. It can make your head spin. Really. At the same time, it’s beautiful. Yes. Beautiful. If you accept this rhythm, it also offers new perspectives. I also discover strengths and qualities that I hadn’t seen before. And then I think – With a new body, new life, and new strengths, you should also be able to try on new clothes, find a new occupation, and even, perhaps, build new work. Rearrange your life again. – Right? And that’s what I’m busy with now, still very much at the beginning. And I won’t lie, I find it unexpectedly intense…

    It’s akin to looking through a kaleidoscope. Everything changes constantly before your eyes… in shape, in colour, in size. What you thought you knew may have turned completely different. It can be dizzying, indeed. Yet, simultaneously, it’s beautiful. Yes. Beautiful.

    If you embrace this rhythm, it also offers new perspectives. I discover strengths and qualities I hadn’t seen before. And then I think – With this new body, new life, and new strengths, I can take a new direction, try a new outfit, find a new way to spend my days, and even, just maybe, build new work. Rearranging my life anew. Right?

    That’s what I’m dealing with now, right at the beginning. And you should know, I find it quite intense, unexpectedly intense… It feels uncertain and, truth be told, almost every aspect of my life is uncertain.

    The kaleidoscope keeps turning…

    What I do feel certain about is that inner knowledge that IT’S-ALL-RIGHT. This is who I am now, it’s possible. It’s possible. Rearranging my life again. Enjoying my life as it is now, however long that may be. This inner knowledge is my compass. I will learn to dance to a new rhythm. I will learn to navigate with the kaleidoscope before my eyes. I choose how I want to live my life. NOW too.

  • 13 februari 2024

    The Roundabout Route – navigating stressful situations

    WHEN FACED WITH TENSE ENCOUNTERS WE OFTEN REACT FROM PAST EMOTIONS. AFTERWARDS, WE WISH WE WOULD HAVE DONE DIFFERENTLY, SAID BETTER WORDS, BEEN MORE ASSERTIVE. TAKING THE ROUNDABOUT ROUTE GRANTS US AN ALTERNATIVE TO RESPOND APPROPRIATELY.

    Conflicts, hospitals, bosses… When facing a challenging time in our lives, the triggers can be anywhere. And then we often react from past emotions. Something really intense that left its mark. Understandable, yet irrelevant to the present. Hence, our response is ineffective. 

    Highways to the past

    Picture this: Stressful confrontations are like highways to past situations and emotions, speeding ahead with our reactions. But they don’t belong to the present. That’s why our responses often miss the mark. But there is an escape way.

    The Roundabout Route - Strategy to navigate stressful situations

    The Roundabout Route:

    Slowing down grants us the crucial pause to recognize these emotions before they escalate. Construct a roundabout amid the highway. It provides the delay and an alternative route to an effective response that aligns with the present self.

    1. Define your own effective response. Suitable for you, here and now. How do you want to behave? What do you want to achieve in the situation? For example: “I want to be assertive yet polite,” “I want to be more enthusiastic,” etc.
    2. Self-awareness. Learn to recognize early signals: your physical reactions, emotions, and thoughts. Be aware before they escalate. For example: Heart beating faster, hands sweating, tense stomach, eyes looking down…
    3. Delay! Keep reactions and emotions in sight but do nothing. Breathe. Take a moment to calm down. This will give you the time to choose your desired, effective response.

    And keep driving the route. Like any other path, it takes time to learn by heart. The more you take it, the easier it will become. Granted.

    The Roundabout Route is made in collaboration with psycholoog Theo Verhoeven. It is one of my compilation of Life Force Tools, practical strategies to build resilience in adversity.

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