Browsing tag: English

  • 14 oktober 2024

    The lady of the Mayan ‘Cenote’: Healing simplicity

    THAT SUNNY DAY OF LAST AUGUST WE WERE FINALLY GOING TO FULFIL A DREAM THAT HAD KEPT US GOING DURING THE TIME I RECEIVED CHEMO: VISITING THE CENOTES OF YUCATÁN. WE HAD PLANNED A ROUTE THROUGH SEVERAL LARGE, OPEN, AND BEAUTIFUL CENOTES OF CHICXULUB’S ‘RING OF CENOTES’, EACH ONE MORE IMPRESSIVE THAN THE LAST. HOWEVER, THE DAY LED US DOWN A DIFFERENT PATH TO BEGIN OUR JOURNEY. AFTER PASSING THROUGH SEVERAL MAYAN VILLAGES AND VENTURING ALONG DUSTY TRACKS, WE ACCIDENTALLY STUMBLED UPON A DIFFERENT CENOTE, HIDDEN UNDERGROUND, SMALL AND SIMPLE.

    There, I met “La Doña del Cenote” and her husband. The humble guardians of that place, which you could tell they regarded as sacred. Both were tiny and seemed a bit fragile, their skin weathered by the sun, with the characteristic features of the Mayan people. They greeted us with warm smiles, as if we were friends in everyday life. Everything, from the cenote to their presence, seemed modest. I admit, I was a bit disenchanted at that moment. I had no idea that this woman was about to give me an unforgettable experience.

    In the heart of the cenote

    Before allowing us to enter, La Doña asked us to shower, to safeguard and respect the purity of the cenote’s waters. Then, with an unexpected agility for her age, she led us through a small opening into the heart of the cenote. What happened next was even more unexpected for me.

    La Doña looked at me directly, with a confidence that felt like she knew me. As if she knew everything about me, as if she even had known I would arrive on that very day. She spoke to me in a voice reminiscent of a healer, and said:

    “Child, enter the water, let it embrace you. This is Mother Earth. Here, you are in her womb, as if you’ve returned to your mother’s belly. Stay here in peace. God brought you to this place, guided your path. This is where you are supposed to be now, stay as long as you need.”

    As those words echoed within me, she left me alone, immersed in the peace of the cenote. It was then that I felt something break inside me—but not in a bad way. It was as if a barrier had dissolved, and suddenly, the tears began to flow. Tears that I hadn’t expected, but that released a trapped energy. Like a waterfall breaking through a dam. My sobs mingled with the tranquility of the water. And so I felt invaded by a deep sense of peace. It was as if the cenote, and La Doña through it, had facilitated a healing I didn’t even know I needed.

    At the heart of the cenote

    Healing simplicity, natural energy, vital force

    When I emerged, she and her husband were quietly relaxing in their hammock, observing the surrounding nature. They had set up a small table and chairs for us to enjoy our lunch. They smiled at us humbly, as if nothing extraordinary had just happened.

    Yet, for me, La Doña had been much more than a simple guardian of the cenote. She had given me a profoundly healing experience. It may sound incredible, I know that. But I don’t care for an explanation; I’m not here to dissect everything with the scalpel of logic. All I know is that she handles life’s vital energy with a masterful simplicity. Connected to nature, she was able to connect my own energy to the vital force of that hidden place. Her simple, unpretentious wisdom reminded me that life force can be found in the most modest corners and in the humblest of people. That tiny old woman proved that the simplest in life can sometimes be the most extraordinary.

    Have you ever experienced something you can’t explain?
    Share your thoughts in the comments.

    Do you not recognize this Life Force in your own story, or do you feel like you have lost yours?

    Tell me. I am a message away.

    Life Force Stories | Part 4

    Credits: Pictures from my own files | Illustration ‘La Doña del Cenote’ generated with AI, based on my own pictures.

  • 8 oktober 2024

    Jorge the Shadow Seller: The Search for What Truly Matters

    THE LATE AFTERNOON SUN WAS BLAZING DOWN ON THE BEACH AT SISAL. WE ARRIVED, READY TO ESCAPE THE HEAT BETWEEN THE SEA AND SOME SHADE WHERE WE COULD WAIT OUT THE DAY UNTIL SUNSET. LUCKILY, WE SPOTTED A FEW BEAUTIFUL PALAPAS WITH HAMMOCKS ON THE BEACH. WE AGREED ON A PRICE WITH A WOMAN IN CHARGE AND SETTLED IN, LOOKING FORWARD TO ENJOYING SISAL. THAT’S WHEN I MET JORGE, THE REAL ‘SHADOW SELLER.’ AND HE DIDN’T LOOK PLEASED.

    Our interaction didn’t start smoothly. From where I sat, I saw a man approaching—grey-streaked hair, somewhat weathered by the sun, with dark eyes, probably in his fifties. This was Jorge, the owner of the palapas. He approached with a wary expression. Seeing him come over like that, I thought, “Well, there goes our idea of enjoying the beach and the sea breeze in a shaded hammock. Forget it.” There had been a misunderstanding about the price of the shade and the hammock. His colleague hadn’t told him we’d already agreed on a cheaper rate, and he assumed we were unwilling to pay what was owed. Jorge seemed ready for a confrontation.

    But amid the tension, something shifted. As if we had silently agreed, Jorge and I looked each other in the eyes, and we just listened to one another. This made the initial tension melt away. After speaking with his colleague, Jorge realised there had been a misunderstanding. He returned to me with a genuine (very white) smile and a sincere apology. “Please, relax and enjoy your day.”

    Jorge’s Story

    That’s when Jorge shared something that deeply resonated with me. His eyes, now more at ease, revealed a sense of authenticity. He explained that he had spent much of his youth driven by necessity, chasing money. He recalled a period in the United States working in renowned restaurants, where he earned good money… but was consumed by loneliness. “I worked a lot, earned well, and drank even more,” he said. “I spent years chasing jobs that left me feeling empty until I decided to change my life.”

    Now, here in Sisal, he rents out palapas and hammocks, and takes on other small jobs. He surely isn’t the richest man, but he’s gradually finding what he calls ‘his peace.’

    “Now I try to focus on what really matters,” he told me with a calmness that contrasted with the earlier tension. “After so much chasing, I realised that what I had been searching for wasn’t money. It was to live truly. It’s not always easy because, of course, living with limited money can be frustrating. And sometimes, my ego takes over—the attachment to material things… Then I realise it’s the fear of losing something I don’t even have. And that what really matters to me is living authentically. That’s when I remember I’m already doing it.”

    Jorge’s Life Force: The Power of Authenticity

    Though his eyes still reflected traces of unease when talking about his fears, they were warm and honest. Jorge, with his humbleness and integrity, reminded me that it’s often in the simplest things where we find what truly matters. Thanks to his sincerity, he had the power to turn what could have been a conflict into a memorable conversation for me.

    That day on the beach, I saw the example of a humble man, driven by the life force of wanting to live authentically.

    Have you ever chased a dream that wasn’t yours? Have you asked yourself if you truly have what is valuable to you?
    Share your thoughts in the comments.

    Do you not recognize this Life Force in your own story, or do you feel like you have lost yours?

    Tell me. I am a message away.

    Life Force Stories | Part 3

    Credits: Pictures from my own files | Illustration ‘Jorge in Sisal’ generated with AI, based on my own pictures.

  • 27 september 2024

    Ambar Adela: The power of the heart

    IT’S A WARM DAY IN AUGUST. LUNA AND I ARE WALKING THROUGH THE MAZE OF THE SANTO DOMINGO ARTISAN MARKET. A BIT DIZZY FROM THE HEAT AND THE COLORS (AND ME FROM ANEMIA), WE STOP TO LOOK AT SOME QUARTZ BRACELETS AT ONE OF THE COLOR-PACKED STALLS. THE BRACELET I WANT TO BUY FOR LUNA IS A BIT TOO BIG. “IF SHE LIKES IT, I CAN ADJUST IT TO HER SIZE,” SAYS A SOFT VOICE. FIVE SECONDS LATER, I’M STANDING IN FRONT OF A BEAUTIFUL WOMAN WITH INDIGENOUS FEATURES, HER FACE PERFECTLY MADE UP AND A BIG SMILE WITH DIMPLES. HER NAME IS ADELA, THE OWNER OF THE STALL, WITH HER OWN JEWELRY BRAND, “ÁMBAR ADELA.” HER VOICE IS OFTEN INTERRUPTED BY A CONTAGIOUS LAUGH. FOR EXAMPLE, WHEN SHE SEES MY SURPRISE AS SHE EXPLAINS THAT SHE ALSO DESIGNS THE EMBROIDERED CLOTHING SHE SELLS. AT THAT MOMENT, I TAKE A CLOSER LOOK AT THE MERCHANDISE AROUND ME: EMBROIDERED CLOTHING, SILVER JEWELRY, AND SEMI-PRECIOUS STONES, ALONG WITH AMBER PIECES. “I CAN’T BELIEVE IT! HOW DO YOU FIND THE TIME?” I ASK, AMAZED. – SHE LAUGHS AGAIN. – “WHY WOULDN’T YOU BELIEVE ME? WHEN YOU DO THINGS WITH LOVE, IT DOESN’T MATTER HOW SMALL THEY ARE. THEY ALWAYS TURN OUT WELL. STEP BY STEP.” AND THAT’S HOW WE BEGIN A CONVERSATION THAT FILLS ME WITH ADMIRATION.

    Adela’s story

    Adela comes from the Tzotzil community in a nearby village. Her mother taught her to embroider when she was a child. She married very young and had three daughters, who are now young adults. When she tells me her age (she’s only six years younger than me, though she looks at least ten years younger), I almost fall over.

    “What?! Forty-seven years old?! I don’t believe it,” I exclaim.

    Her laughter jingles again.
    “You don’t believe anything I say!” But when your spirit is well, and you do things with love, your body reflects that.”

    She tells me that she divorced her daughters’ father long ago. It must have been a difficult time, but I see no trace of bitterness or resentment on her face. Instead, there’s a serene joy.

    “Look at me. I live better this way. Things have gone well for me,” she says, the dimples in her smile reappearing. “I got divorced because I couldn’t rely on him anyway. Once I became independent, I had to decide how to move forward and support my daughters and myself.”

    “When your spirit is well, and you do things with love, your body reflects that”

    Adela Gómez

    From embroidery to beads

    That’s when I remembered my mother’s embroidery. I started by embroidering blouses to sell at the market, with things I love: flowers, fruits, and birds. My style of embroidery sold well. So, I began to embroider other garments, not just traditional ones, but also jeans, jackets, blazers—everything. One thing worth the mention: I only made things I enjoyed creating.

    I’ve always liked accessories, so when I could save a bit of money, I bought some beads and stones and started making small bracelets, earrings, little things. Those sold well, too. Over the years, my stall grew, and I was able to get a small shop here in Santo Domingo. My daughters also grew up; they had their own responsibilities by then. But between them, they helped me formalize my designs into a brand, “Ámbar Adela.” They created the labels for several lines, and well… here we are,” she finishes with a smile.

    Silver and amber
    Amber and Jade
    Embroidery and amber

    Life Force

    I listen in admiration, especially because I know firsthand how hard it is to build a jewelry brand—it’s no easy task. I tell her that years ago, I had my own brand, “Luna de Plata,” and that I gave it up when it was almost fully formed.

    “Why?” she asks.

    With some embarrassment, I admit,
    “Lack of experience, but mostly fear. Fear of failing.”

    Seeing Adela standing there so calm and full of confidence, surrounded by her creations, I rush to tell her that only now, years later, I understand that I can do whatever I set my mind to. That only now do I feel the confidence to face my fears head-on. I tell her I’m surviving cancer and that I’m filled with plans that feel very real to me: this trip through Mexico, my therapy practice, my communication work to support other cancer patients, and the psychology studies I will begin this year.

    She says, “Everything will work out for you, I know it. The things done with love, with motivation, step by step, always turn out well. Because that’s how God works.”

    And the way she says it, I feel a deep certainty in every word. My body vibrates with serene clarity, and in that moment, I understand that she is driven by the Life Force.


    Adela and her unbreakable spirit

    Adela shows that Life Force is not just about carrying on when everything is against you. It’s about finding joy in the small things, feeling love in everything you do. It’s knowing that no matter what happens, you always have the strength within you to start again.

    Her story is not just one of courage but a tribute to the strength of the heart. And so, she continues, with a smile and unstoppable energy, her hands never ceasing to create, her heart always open to her family and her customers. She is living proof of the power of the heart, of love for family, and of the unbreakable spirit of a woman determined to love life no matter what.

    How many times have you had to start again? Which are the little things that bring you joy?
    Share your thoughts in the comments.

    Do you not recognize this Life Force in your own story, or do you feel like you have lost yours?

    Let me know, I am a message away

    Life Force Stories | Part 2

    Credits: Pictures from Adela Gómez Facebook page | Picture ‘Santo Domingo Market’ generated with AI, based on my own original photo’s.

  • 16 september 2024

    Omar Fabián: A heart driven by creativity and legacy

    THE DAY I MET OMAR, I HARDLY KNEW HIM YET. IT WAS PURE CHANCE THAT MY GAZE FELL ON HIS WORKSHOP JUST AS I HAD DECIDED I HAD SEEN ENOUGH BLACK CLAY WORKSHOPS AND CRAFTS. I ADMIT I WAS ALSO FEELING WEAK DUE TO THE SIDE EFFECTS OF THE CANCER TREATMENT, SO I WAS SAD TO GIVE UP THE VISIT. BUT THAT HOUSE ON THE CORNER, COMPLETELY PAINTED BLACK, PIQUED MY CURIOSITY. HOW HAD I NOT NOTICED IT BEFORE? SO I DECIDED TO GO IN. THAT VISIT, FUELLED BY CURIOSITY, OPENED MY EYES AND MIND: I MET SOMEONE WHO SEES EVERYTHING WITH A FRESH PERSPECTIVE. DRIVEN BY LOVE FOR HIS WORK AND NEW IDEAS, OMAR ELEVATES HIS ANCESTRAL LEGACY TO THE LEVEL OF ART.

    Omar’s Story

    It was midday in San Bartolo Coyotepec, the town was beaten by the blazing sun and dust. My friend Tania, Fer and I had already toured several workshops with the typical black clay crafts from Oaxaca. I was feeling weak due to my extreme anemia and it was hard for me to admit I had to give up the visit to go eat and rest. I told myself “whatever, I had anyway seen enough workshops and black clay for today”… Just as we were about to grab some lunch before heading out, I noticed a house entirely painted black on the opposite corner. Clearly, it was a workshop we hadn’t seen before. 

    As soon as we entered, it felt like rediscovering black clay. The designs were a reinvention; everything was special. “You agree this isn’t typical; this is design,” Tania said to me. The further we went in, the more we were impressed: the shapes were bolder, the sizes bigger, the designs more creative. Even the way the clay was used was different: I saw it on walls, floors, paintings and even urns.

    At that moment, a young man hurried past; it was Omar Fabián, one of the three brothers who own the workshop and the author of these innovative pieces.

    My curiosity was fully awake, so I asked him a question that sparked an inspiring conversation:  

    “In all the years I’ve been buying black clay, I’ve never seen it applied like this. Are these your ideas?”  

    At first, he was very polite but seemed not particularly interested. “Thanks,” he responded, somewhat surprised, “yes, these are my designs.”  

    “This goes beyond tradition. What has brought you to this point?”

    I realised I had now caught his attention, perhaps because he sensed that my interest was genuine. That’s when the conversation began. He spoke of his family legacy, with over three generations of black clay artisans. He also mentioned his design studies at the University of Oaxaca. How he had combined his heritage, knowledge, and curiosity to challenge the limits of what was “possible.” While respecting the teachings of past generations, he improved the quality of the finishes and applied his design knowledge to create new forms. He experimented with new techniques, formats, and applications.

    Crafting Walls
    Omar’s Workshop

    Bringing Ideas to Life

    In this way, he contributed to the development of the family workshop. As he grew as an artisan, so did the projects he took on. “I started accepting commissions from hotels, restaurants, and museums. They would ask me, for example, to create a mural installation of giant ants, a large niche decorated with butterflies in flight, or a hotel bar with geometric ‘tiles’.” The challenge wasn’t just the visual design. How do you bring those ideas to life? Black clay is fragile, but delicate shapes must withstand installation, transport, and temperature changes. Those new requirements led me to experiment with novel techniques and approaches.”

    Butterflies with Led
    Wall tiles
    Ants installation

    Exploring Limits 

    I couldn’t help but see a parallel with the ups and downs of life in the face of adversity, something I’ve personally experienced since my cancer diagnosis. Suddenly, you find yourself in an unexpected situation that forces you to develop new skills. And to do so, you must draw on both what you’ve been taught and what you’ve learned yourself.

    “Not everything can turn out perfect. Do it again, try again, until it works.” Omar Fabián

    Omar also faces moments of difficulty, which generate uncertainty. Yet there’s an inner drive in him, a confidence in the future. Perhaps it’s the belief in his ability to navigate uncertainty and find solutions, to generate new ideas. His love for the craft he inherited and his creativity are his strength, though he may not say it explicitly, it’s clear to see.

    Butterflies niche
    Tzompantli Skulls in Black Clay and Silver

    Over some water and mezcal, Omar and I shared experiences and came to the conclusion that this is how we’ll continue. Facing fear, with confidence. You might feel sad or tired at times, but deep down, you’re not afraid. You know the solution will come, and you trust the force that moves you.

    Life Force isn’t something grand, as my conversation with Omar reminded me. It manifests itself in simple ways, like knowing how to see the world with a fresh pair of eyes. Just like children do. Now I understand that, on that day, Omar recognised in my curiosity the same curiosity that drives him in everything he does.

    Now tell me, what helps you navigate uncertainty? Do you recognize creative force in your life? Share your thoughts in the comments.

    Do you not recognize this Life Force in your own story, or do you feel like you have lost yours?

    Let me know, I am a message away

    Life Force Stories | Part 1

    credits – pictures Barro negro @omarsutra | Picture Omar and Alba from my personal files

  • 13 september 2024

    Life Force: connected stories

    THERE’S A THREAD THAT RUNS THROUGH ALL OF US—A VITAL FORCE, UNSEEN YET DEEPLY FELT. I CALL IT LIFE FORCE. IT’S THE ENERGY THAT PUSHES US TO RISE AFTER WE’VE FALLEN, TO CREATE BEAUTY FROM PAIN, AND TO FACE EACH NEW DAY WITH PURPOSE, NO MATTER THE CHALLENGES. LIFE FORCE HAS ALWAYS BEEN CENTRAL TO MY JOURNEY AS A THERAPIST, AND AS A CANCER SURVIVOR, IT HAS BECOME MY COMPASS THROUGH BOTH DARK AND LIGHT.

    The connecting journey

    During my journey through México last summer, I met many different people. I enjoyed every conversation with them, but some stayed with me. The energy of these people struck me in the most positive way. We connected on an energetic level. I noticed that they are driven by this universal force that I call Life Force. It may sound vague, but for me, it couldn’t be more concrete—both in my journey through cancer treatment and in my work as a therapist. I see it every day. Travelling through México, I was thrilled to recognize it in other people’s lives too. It’s this driving energy, this connection, that I find so awe-inspiring. And it’s what motivates me to share their stories with you.

    The Stories

    So, back home, I began writing. These are not success stories. They are everyday life stories of people like you and me. Let me introduce you to these men and women. On the surface, they seem completely different from one another. They come from different places, social statuses, genders, professions, and experiences. Some have dealt with illness or loss, while others have faced challenges in their careers, relationships, or personal growth. Others simply lead peaceful lives. Yet, they all have one powerful thing in common: Life Force. That’s the thread that runs through their stories.

    Through these stories, you’ll see how this invisible energy manifests in different ways. It’s in the mother who built a business after a divorce, the artist who finds new meaning in his family legacy, and the survivor who, against all odds, chooses to love life over fear. These stories are not just tales of survival but of living—with passion, purpose, and heart.

    Why Now?

    Sharing these stories is part of my mission to celebrate and ignite the Life Force within us all. Whether you’re navigating a tough time or looking for inspiration, I hope these stories will resonate deeply with you. Because I believe, at the core, we all have Life Force within us—it’s just waiting to be harnessed.

    Welcome to the Life Force series. Let’s embark on this journey together, step by step, story by story.

    Check out the Life Force Stories:
    Ambar Adela: The power of the heart
    Omar Fabián: A heart driven by creativity and legacy
    Jorge the Shadow Seller: The search for what truly matters

    Share what Life Force means to you in the comments. Do you not recognize it, or feel that you have lost yours? Let me know, I am a message away!

  • 5 april 2024

    Attention: The difference between suffering and thriving

    IN THIS UPDATE, I WANT TO DELVE INTO THE IMPACT OF ATTENTION IN MEDICAL CARE ON MY HOW I EXPERIENCED THE SURGERY | ON 25TH MARCH, I UNDERWENT A PREVENTATIVE MASTECTOMY. BECAUSE THIS PROCEDURE HAS A COMPLEX IMPACT ON BOTH THE MIND AND THE BODY, I WANT TO WRITE ABOUT THE VARIOUS ASPECTS OF IT IN MY BLOG THIS MONTH.

    LEES HIER DE NL VERSIE

    The personal experience

    We often hear that attention and connection in medical care can be invaluable, but it remains abstract. Now, I’ve personally experienced this. And it wasn’t a small matter, as I was going to have my breasts removed.

    Completely my own choice, yes. So off I went to the hospital. With complete conviction… though I still felt a slight tension. Because, well, it’s still your breasts that you’re having removed…

    Hospital or spa?

    Hospital, or not?

    Upon arrival, I didn’t think for a moment about being in a hospital. I swear, I’m not advertising. But honestly, it felt more like a spa or hotel. Everything contributed to the experience: the wooded surroundings, the beautifully decorated interior, soothing. Everywhere there were light and cozy sitting areas, small details specially made by volunteers for fellow patients. On my bed lay a welcome package with lovely items, alongside a warm bathrobe. The interaction with the staff was genuinely friendly. I believe they were consciously trained and selected to provide good attention and pleasant interaction. People took their time. They even took time for a chat and didn’t seem rushed. They truly looked at me.

    Surgery and post-surgery

    Sunbeams

    The surgery itself was 100% fine with me. From preparation to waking up, everything went smoothly. I felt safe. After the surgery, I woke up feeling fine. Still a bit groggy from the anesthesia, but happy. I chatted and joked with the nursing staff, who thankfully also laughed with me (hopefully not just at me, haha).

    Once back in my room, I felt I had space, not only to recover but even to enjoy. From the tranquility, the relief, the view, and the sunbeams shining through my window. And boy, was I hungry! But they took care of that too.

    Making a difference

    Nurse took this pic of me in the recovery, so the kids could see how “I was kicking ass” as she said

    This experience is certainly very special. But why? What makes it special? Every hospital wants to heal, care for, or alleviate your suffering. Every hospital has the knowledge and the desire to help the patient. What’s the difference? I even asked if it was a private clinic. It wasn’t, it was “just” a small hospital. So, what is the difference then?

    The answer is abstract: it’s the attention. From environment, to interaction, to care. There was thought put into making it pleasant, comfortable. They took their time. So, what is the value of attention in medical care? FUNDAMENTAL. Though not scientifically measurable, the effect on my body and experience is very concrete, tangible, and visible. It’s not just helpful, but decisive. It makes the difference between suffering and thriving.

    This was the second post in a series on the impact of my mastectomy on me, from body to mind. I write one post every week while recovering from the procedure.

    READ THE FIRST POST HERE

  • 13 februari 2024

    The Roundabout Route – navigating stressful situations

    WHEN FACED WITH TENSE ENCOUNTERS WE OFTEN REACT FROM PAST EMOTIONS. AFTERWARDS, WE WISH WE WOULD HAVE DONE DIFFERENTLY, SAID BETTER WORDS, BEEN MORE ASSERTIVE. TAKING THE ROUNDABOUT ROUTE GRANTS US AN ALTERNATIVE TO RESPOND APPROPRIATELY.

    Conflicts, hospitals, bosses… When facing a challenging time in our lives, the triggers can be anywhere. And then we often react from past emotions. Something really intense that left its mark. Understandable, yet irrelevant to the present. Hence, our response is ineffective. 

    Highways to the past

    Picture this: Stressful confrontations are like highways to past situations and emotions, speeding ahead with our reactions. But they don’t belong to the present. That’s why our responses often miss the mark. But there is an escape way.

    The Roundabout Route - Strategy to navigate stressful situations

    The Roundabout Route:

    Slowing down grants us the crucial pause to recognize these emotions before they escalate. Construct a roundabout amid the highway. It provides the delay and an alternative route to an effective response that aligns with the present self.

    1. Define your own effective response. Suitable for you, here and now. How do you want to behave? What do you want to achieve in the situation? For example: “I want to be assertive yet polite,” “I want to be more enthusiastic,” etc.
    2. Self-awareness. Learn to recognize early signals: your physical reactions, emotions, and thoughts. Be aware before they escalate. For example: Heart beating faster, hands sweating, tense stomach, eyes looking down…
    3. Delay! Keep reactions and emotions in sight but do nothing. Breathe. Take a moment to calm down. This will give you the time to choose your desired, effective response.

    And keep driving the route. Like any other path, it takes time to learn by heart. The more you take it, the easier it will become. Granted.

    The Roundabout Route is made in collaboration with psycholoog Theo Verhoeven. It is one of my compilation of Life Force Tools, practical strategies to build resilience in adversity.

  • 4 februari 2024

    Mindfuck

    Getting yourself and your life together through adversity is not easy. It is a whirlwind of thoughts and feelings. I wrote this post on one of those days.

    Lee la version en español

    WAITING IS NOT THE SAME AS PASSIVITY

    Today I tell myself that because I believe I need it. In these first weeks of the year, I’ve been making plans with my goals in mind: traveling, starting a blog, attending school, processing my work disability, mastectomy, and reconstruction. And everything seems to be hanging in the air. Because in the process, we have to deal with other people, schedules, doctors, schools. Weeks go by from appointment to appointment. And I, on a day like today, where I don’t see progress, oscillate between assuming the wait with a sense of guilt and the impulse to do something, anything; also with a sense of guilt.

    TICK | Do something. Make a decision. Book the first trip, buy the website. I wonder how it’s possible that all things are pending. Do others experience the same? Or is it the universe telling me something? Do I have to set things in motion, get the machinery running? Yes, no?

    TOCK | But… what if I make a bad decision? Because I’m impulsive… One must have patience for things to mature, like fruits. Everything has its time.

    TICK | But I feel that in recent years my lack of efficiency in achieving my goals has become evident. Other people just plan a trip, and that’s it. They change jobs, and that’s it. They schedule an appointment, and that’s it. And everything gets tangled up for me.

    TOCK | And what I see as I write these lines is that perhaps… the key point is to persist in these uncertain times. Breathe and continue. Just keep acting, remembering the why, those darned goals, but accepting the natural rhythm of things. So that they ripen.

  • 13 januari 2024

    Stutz’ Pearls – Accepting imperfection

    SETBACKS OR LIMITATIONS, ESPECIALLY WHEN UNEXPECTED, CAN TEMPT US TO THROW IN THE TOWEL. YET, THEY ARE INTEGRAL TO LIFE AND GOAL PURSUIT. THE STRATEGY LIES IN ACCEPTANCE.

    Facing setbacks or limitations, particularly when they catch us off guard, can lead to a strong desire to give up. However, it’s fair to recognize that setbacks are an inherent part of both life and the pursuit of our goals. Ok, but how to continue? The key lies in embracing these challenges with acceptance, acknowledging that imperfection is a natural aspect of progress. Just like Phil Stutz’s string of pearls theory illustrates, where each action, regardless of its size, contributes equally to the overall journey. Imperfections, symbolized by dark spots within the pearls, are inevitable. Yet, by persisting despite these imperfections, we retain the ability to continue stringing pearls, advancing steadily towards our aspirations.

    Stutz’ pearls

    See your day, week, month or plan as a string of pearls. Each pearl is an action. Each action holds equal weight, regardless of size, symbolizing life’s various tasks – from drinking tea to quitting a job. You will find imperfections, represented by dark spots within the pearls. Persist regardless. Execute them one by one. You hold the power to keep stringing pearls, despite imperfections.

    The String of Pearls is created by Phil Stutz. It is one in my compilation of Life Force Tools, practical strategies to build resilience in adversity.

  • 13 oktober 2023

    The Self-esteem batteries – nurturing self-worth

    HEALTHY SELF-ESTEEM IS NURTURED IN CHILDHOOD THROUGH CONSISTENT POSITIVE REINFORCEMENT, ENCOURAGEMENT, AND VALIDATION. WE GET THAT MOSTLY FROM OUR PARENTS, FAMILY AND FRIENDS. BUT WHAT HAPPENS WHEN WE DON”T?

    When this foundation is lacking due to life’s adversities, people may develop a dependency on others for validation and self-worth. This reliance on external validation can lead to a perpetual cycle of seeking approval from others to bolster their sense of self-esteem, rather than cultivating it from within.

    The Self-esteem battery

    Think about it as a battery. A self-esteem battery that originally wasn’t properly loaded; and now goes easily empty. Consequently, you need to recharge the battery more often than usual. There are two recharging strategies.

    1. Dependent Child. Connecting the charging cables to an external limited source. This is about seeking validation from another person. For example a partner or a boss. Usually people go automatically for this one. The disadvantage is that we maintain dependency on a limited resource.

    2. Autonomous Adult. Recharging from its own power bank. This is about creating a self-esteem buffer. This strategy entails three simple steps:

    • Identify the down in self-esteem and your need to seek validation, it’s a pattern. What triggers it?
    • Calm yourself down. Do nothing, call no one. Breathe. Realize, eventually you will feel better and be able to find solace by yourself. All you need is take time to calm down.
    • Be mild and confident. Take small steps, having setbacks is normal. Practice grants succes. 

    While this approach demands practice and patience, it creates a self-owned and always available source.

    The Self-esteem Batteries card is created in collaboration with psychologist Theo Verhoeven. It is one of my compilation of Life Force Tools, practical strategies to build resilience in adversity.

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