Getting yourself and your life together through adversity is not easy. It is a whirlwind of thoughts and feelings. I wrote this post on one of those days.
WAITING IS NOT THE SAME AS PASSIVITY
Today I tell myself that because I believe I need it. In these first weeks of the year, I’ve been making plans with my goals in mind: traveling, starting a blog, attending school, processing my work disability, mastectomy, and reconstruction. And everything seems to be hanging in the air. Because in the process, we have to deal with other people, schedules, doctors, schools. Weeks go by from appointment to appointment. And I, on a day like today, where I don’t see progress, oscillate between assuming the wait with a sense of guilt and the impulse to do something, anything; also with a sense of guilt.
TICK | Do something. Make a decision. Book the first trip, buy the website. I wonder how it’s possible that all things are pending. Do others experience the same? Or is it the universe telling me something? Do I have to set things in motion, get the machinery running? Yes, no?
TOCK | But… what if I make a bad decision? Because I’m impulsive… One must have patience for things to mature, like fruits. Everything has its time.
TICK | But I feel that in recent years my lack of efficiency in achieving my goals has become evident. Other people just plan a trip, and that’s it. They change jobs, and that’s it. They schedule an appointment, and that’s it. And everything gets tangled up for me.
TOCK | And what I see as I write these lines is that perhaps… the key point is to persist in these uncertain times. Breathe and continue. Just keep acting, remembering the why, those darned goals, but accepting the natural rhythm of things. So that they ripen.
